The Most Important Part of Personal Development and Self-Improvement

Raise your hand if you've been on your personal development and self-improvement journey for a while now?

I fell into personal development and intentional self-growth nearly 10 years ago now, and just this morning I heard myself telling my coach I still craved validation and never felt good enough.

I've been thinking thoughts like:

• I'm not a good coach

• I'm not a good mom

• I'm not a good wife

• I'm not a good writer

• I'm not a good healer

• I'm not a good CrossFitter

• I'm not a good business owner

• I'm not a good email marketer

• I'm not a good person

I'm simply not enough.

I've spent my entire life chasing validation from a core childhood wound of never feeling like I could do enough to deserve love or acceptance.

(You, too?)

And I've been trying to fill that hole by accomplishing more and achieving more and bettering myself and getting certifications and making an impact and trademarking frameworks and changing lives and publishing best-selling books and selling out programs and crushing goals and *gasps for air* lemme just stop right there.

Because my coach today said something in our Voxer chat, she said:

"It's sounds like the thing you're seeking won't even fill that hole."

I was seeking external validation.

And she was so right.

Those thoughts I was thinking? Weren't mine. They're the voice of my inner critic, and here's how I rewrote them.

Rewriting the negative stories that little voice in your head is telling you

• I'm not a good coach - I'm literally a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) and mentor coach inside the certification program that changed my life. They wouldn't have hired me if they didn't think I was incredible.
  ​

• I'm not a good mom - I'm doing the best I can, and vigorously working to heal generational pain so my daughter doesn't have to hold it, too.
  ​

• I'm not a good wife - Jury's still out on this one, but he's a big fan of the homemade sourdough poptarts I've been churning out lol
  ​

• I'm not a good writer - I literally have a best-selling book. What more evidence do I need?​
  ​

• I'm not a good healer - People come to me from around the world. I've worked with multi-million dollar business owners to help them heal and release the shit that's holding them back.​
  ​

• I'm not a good CrossFitter - I competed in the CrossFit Open this year for the first time and placed better than 44% of the world.​
  ​

• I'm not a good business owner - I'm always learning.​
  ​

• I'm not a good blog writer - You're here, aren't you?
  ​

• I'm not a good person - Fuck this shit. I love and accept myself.

And what's crazy is, both myself and my clients spin in this exact cycle. That swirly bullshit negative shit spiral that tells us that "we should have figured this out by now, we've been doing it long enough."

But here's the thing:

Self improvement is simply a waste of time if you're never going to accept yourself.

You cannot hate yourself into a version of you that you love.

And this realization inspired me to write this blog post.

Because YOU get to decide what good enough is.

YOU GET to accept yourself.

SELF ACCEPTANCE > SELF IMPROVEMENT

What to do when you’re in a negative thought spiral

So next time you find yourself in that spiral, I want you to get curious.

1. Who's voice is that?

2. How can you rewrite those thoughts?

3. What are you seeking?

And, if you're like me and you truly just want to feel seen and heard, try this affirmation on: I am enough. I love and accept myself as I am.

AND, if you're anything like the dozens of people inside the Creating Confidence Society, (our membership community focused on personal development) you're ready to love and accept yourself for who you truly are, aren't you?

Yeah, you totally are.

Check out the Society here.